I belong//write here
2019 - "For what it’s worth: it’s never too late to be whoever you want to be. I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you find you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start over again." - F. Scott Fitzgerald
this year was hard. and I'm ashamed to admit my inability to compact the darker parts into diamonds. My gratitude at times was Overshadowed by fear and anxiety. This year I searched in books, I prayed on my knees and in Lotus, I smudged, and saged and meditated, I pilgrimaged the path of my ancestors, digging and digging for something to believe in...
Here is what I found.
We build the kingdom. ground up.
our thoughts and beliefs, lead to actions and inner truths. we Choose to seek after things, and we will find them. . .
Our purpose on Earth is to love. to love my imperfect self. We can be so hard on ourselves. I am another year older, and another year with unmet expectations. but so richly blessed.
I love my children. They are small for only a short time, and I am here. with them. watching them discover and experience and unlike us, it never gets old.
I love my husband. He grounds me... I feel my feet so very much on the ground. Without him I would be lost in atmosphere. Today as I was logging onto this website I thought about how Jon Butler is the one that helped me create this place. Jon is my partner, he believes in me. Sometimes I blame shift and compound my setbacks on him and my family. The reason I can't do all the things I really want to do is because of them...THAT is a lie. They do not hold me back, I do. My idealism of good motherhood, my shame and guilt that swallows me when I dare to reach beyond. I am working on letting go of those false ideals. My interests and talents enrich my family, they do not take away from them. but there is only so much time, be patient, you are doing what you can do.
I feel like there are 2 versions of myself.
The Tree and the Bird
The Earth and the Sky
The Valley and The Mountain
The Light and The Dark
This year I wrote songs with my sister that my soul needed. Lacey and I have been singing together our whole lives, but these songs are something different. Red Dirt Girls was an answer to my prayers. The ideas in these songs have weighed heavy on my heart and singing them brings me peace. Lacey knows me so well. She knows the same stupid stories I've been telling myself for years and she sees past them. She is the bravest and strongest woman I know. It’s scary to start again, but her courage gives me strength to continue digging for the things I want for myself. I am still spiritually searching. but I am open. I am a believer. I know God is real. I feel like I am on the path curated for me. a bumpy, tumbleweed, 4-wheel driven,
red dirt path.
To the top of the mountain.
I took my love, I took it down
Climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
'Til the landslide brought me down
Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changin' ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?
Well, I've been 'fraid of changin'
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I'm gettin' older, too
Well, I've been 'fraid of changin'
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I'm gettin' older, too
I'm gettin' older, too
\with LOVE :
1: WEED - PRIDE, EGO, INSECURITIES, PERFECTIONISM, UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS,
THERE’s NO COMPARISON in the garden. The Song Pick Flowers Not Fights is about not picking figurative fights with others and ourselves. That negativity is poison. So WEED ALL THAT!!!
2: TILL - Organize your time, set up your groundwork - when and where will you be working. Stop wasting time, USE Tools at the appropriate times and then enjoy them.
Unfollow and follow Examples. on social media, read and listen to inspiring work.
Carve out the time...One week/weekend a month...
TOOLS: Resources, Friends, Family, it takes a village, it takes all kinds of “gardeners”
3: SEE(d)s - What do you SEE for yourself. What is it that you are working for. WHY?
The stories we are telling ourselves, will determine our growth. Our personal narratives are our greatest motivators...
Visualize that garden, and the energy and love for your vision, but also ground yourself in the NOW, the blessing of the seed. The work. There is still much to enjoy in the process. Whether it is writing, painting, photography, culinary, make-up, theater, any creative work, which is every work…. remind yourself that you love it, even if it doesn’t grow quickly. Be Grateful. In life and in Motherhood especially, we don’t realize how our little everyday actions and efforts are nurturing life. BE PATIENT, with yourself.
4: GROW at home> GROW in the Wild<GROW TOGETHER
My #1 ultimate Vision and goal for my life, is to raise a happy family. That’s it. I love my husband and want him to be fruitful in his pursuits, and he wants that for me, and we want it ALL for our children too...is that too . . much to ask for. . . all the dreams for all the humans... My #2 Goal is to continue to write, and share music my entire life...I know its a windy, twisty, turny process, but ultimately we can get there if we don’t compare ourselves to others, stick to our groundwork, have patience, and validate our needs and wants as worthy. I know what I need to be a happy human, I need to sing, I need to make up stories, and melodies and share them with my friends... There is so much good that will bloom and grow if we give ourselves permission to be ourselves. We need Sunlight, Earth, Water and Time to grow. It takes all kinds of elements as nourishment. So make time for yourself, Even just an hour a day, a few hours a week. To create something out of nothing, connect with yourself. and Together as a family. A sketch, a poem, and song, a story. Creative moments will feed your soul and the lives of your little ones.
And Create alone.
Let your Children See you taking time away from them, to feed your own soul in the wild. Stretch, Bloom, Grow. Stand in the warmth of the sun and know it was created for you.
I want to stand there.
I want my children to stand there.
We can not give them happiness,
They must grow it for themselves.
Today is the deadline.
The last chance to prove your worth and submit to all the grandest contests in the land.
At least thats how it felt this morning when I had three emails telling me to enter this song thing and that song thing and then once I win, I will be shiny and glorious.
I'm going to enter them. I'll spend around $50 today submitting my new song in contests and I will feel shiny and glorious for even trying. yep.
I'm on vacation with my family right now. By vacation I mean, we crashed Jon Butlers School Counselor Summer Conference and he's in meetings and we are swimming at his paid-for hotel. I am in a small space with my 4 small humans, trying to squeeze in a bit of music business here and there and the contest submitting feels like a way to still be getting my music
"Out there" when I'm full time momming.
Its funny how just 2 weeks ago I told myself I was going to take a break from contests. I had 2 in 1 week this May. The Wildflower in Dallas and the Kerrville New Folk Festival (an hour outside of San Antonio). I had an incredible time at both. I met wonderful humans, and heard fantastic songs, felt all uncomfortable and grow-y in all the best ways. but its still a funky feeling when you don't "win". but then two weeks later, you don't care and you only remember the sparkly parts that made you a better human and you still can't believe you got to be included in such a gorgeous array of talent. and then you keep on keepin' on.
The most magical part about Kerrville this year for me was I got to attend 4 hrs of Song School. I will absolutely try my hardest to get back into NEW FOLK again someday and go to ALL of SONG SCHOOL> with Steve Seskin, Ellis Paul, Amy Speace, Ellis Delaney, and Mary Gauthier. I learned more in that 4 hours then I ever have at any other song clinic. maybe not more, just exactly what I needed to learn in this season of my life...
Mary Spoke about Ego and comparing mind and how to acknowledge, then leave that garbage at the door. All we have is the present moment, the present offering. Stop classifying, and ranking other people compared to you. Its not real. Your worth has no greater or lesser value than anyone else. Your Song isn't better than or worse than. It is Your song and We are honored to get the chance to hear it.
Ellis Delaney was a judge for the New Folk this year, it was wonderful to hear her and get to visit and thank her for her inspiration in my life. Her first session I attended was about goal setting, organizing, and recognizing a clear path and vision for ourselves. It was a day of Dreamers, helping dreamers. She has one of the most beautiful hearts I know. and I am honored to have been "judged" by her. :)
Steve's first class was about beginning with visuals in a story-scape accompanied by the tellers emotions. Amy and Ellis Paul spoke about what they would be teaching in the week and I was dying that I had to leave...gah, what a cool day!
A few months ago I had been commissioned to write a song with the theme "Pick Flowers Not Fights". There is going to be a non-profit Inspirational Event in my area at the end of the summer and several companies and organizations are coming together to do something really cool for our community. I've been asked to speak and share a song about self-confidence. Like most women, I struggle with this subject and didn't know where to begin other than surrounding myself with all the wildflowers I possibly could in hopes it would sprout something... After this day at song school, My song was planted. and once I got home it had bloomed. Its funny how inspiration comes and without the wisdom and wonder that was felt this month I wouldn't have written this song. This Song I needed. I will be releasing "Pick Flowers Not Fights" in a few weeks. Its about being kinder to ourselves and to others, understanding that the most important relationship we have, is the one we have with ourselves and when we stop operating from ego, we can grow, heal, evolve, into our true authentic selves.
Thank you Wildflower Festival, Kerrville New Folk, Song School and Every soul that shared your songs with me this month. We are shining, We are Glorious, Its sometimes hard to grow but we are doing it and it is wonderful!
I will be in Northern Utah at the end of June, Playing in Park City on the 26th, Provo the 27th, and Midway on the 29th. I would love to see you. and share more songs and stories. Im playing with my dear Friends Cherie Call and Brett Raymond. We will be playing our own songs, plus Our Buddy System favorites. You can get tickets for the Provo show HERE. Thank you so much for listening and reading and giving me a place to share my Songs. All we have is the present. All we have is our offerings. Thank you for including my music in your lives. and In your Garden! I love you.
The Motherland: is defined as "One's Native Country."
I am so grateful for the rich feminine soil from which I came. I have so many incredible women in my life.
On this International Women's Day, I am thinking of them. and how they have blessed me.
Hi, I Am Lyndy Butler.
I am a Singer-Songwriter. I am a Mother. I am a Woman. and Today is International Women's Day 2019 "International Women's Day is a global day celebrating the social, economic, cultural and political achievements of women. The day also marks a call to action for accelerating gender parity." (You can learn more about it here: https://www.internationalwomensday.com/About)
(Gender Parity = providing equal opportunities to both boys and girls)
Today and Everyday, I believe the "only one way to be a woman" is to stop judging other women.
Womanhood is complex and extraordinary. We are Vast, We are Eternal, We contain Multitudes (literally), There is no pin that could place us. No box to encase us, only our own attitudes and belief systems, our own actions and efforts can tell you who we really are. We are constantly evolving and growing and shedding our skin. Today we are celebrating and raising our voices, (writing our blog posts), to acknowledge the
Great things accomplished by women around the world and around the corner.
On March 22, I will be releasing a new album of original songs.
Some of the songs are based on my own story. Some of the songs are fictional.
or only partially connected to my journey. Pouring out my deepest thoughts and
ponder-ings can feel scary. vulnerable.
But its important to me, so I muster up the courage and do it anyway.
Even when it's scary.
Even when I know others will judge me.
I also believe that the ONLY ONE WAY to be the WOMAN you were meant to be,
is to stop fearing judgement from other women.
Being my authentic self has led me to others like me. So when I do scary, and vulnerable things,
I cling to them. Because they get it!
Also, I have found others not like me, living equally beautiful and brave lives that I respect and admire.
and perhaps now we better understand
where different women come from, and know that we are equally deserving of love
and equally deserving of the lives we choose.
The funny thing is, the new song that I am most timid to share isn't even that controversial. Its simply a song about being a mom. Being a mom is my greatest achievement. and that feels weird to say or type, because anyone can do this thing...make a baby, or raise a baby...or love a baby. Its not new. Its the oldest job in the book. but for some reason the phrase "just a mom" well, thems fightin' words to me. Not to every woman though. Some Women are so confident in their mothering they can express their decision and purpose as Mother with grace and ease. They know it is their sacred calling, Their Identity is complete in this sacred role. Me on the other hand, It has taken time to find my bearings in my motherhood. . . I still add a tag on my job description as a mom AND a music teacher. Mom AND a songwriter. Like that makes me more credible and interesting and worthy of attention. I know that it doesn't. I know that in a few short years, my children will be grown, and my job description will change again. I won't be this kind of mother any longer. (this is hard to process.) We are all More than just one thing. We are More than mothers, but being Mother - means more than anything.
One of my heroes is The Queen, Dolly Parton. I've read many of her books.
(and once she winked at me, and I almost got kicked out of Jay Leno's audience because I wasn't supposed bring any attention to myself, but I waved at her and mouthed "I love you". Then Jay angry glared at me, yikes) Dolly helps me connect to my sexuality in a way I was never taught by my own mother (this thought should be a whole'nother juicy blogpost). She is an inspiring philanthropist who has blessed the lives of countless children and humans, also she plays the guitar with 6 inch, hot pink glitternails like a badass and I ----eee---I , Will always love her.....but it seems like every chance an interviewer gets to ask her about her decision to not have children, they take it, and try hard to dig a knife deep in a non-existent wound. I always admire Dolly's response. She doesn't regret her path. She is true to herself and true to her own story,
her own style and brand of womanhood.
The only ONE WAY to be a woman,
Don't Judge Other Women.
Happiness looks different to different people.
"Find out who you are, and do it on purpose"
- Dolly Parton
When we know who we are, We know what we need.
Daring to acknowledge sparks of interest, isn't selfish. it doesn't take away. it only adds to.
"It is on purpose."
Our dreams are interwoven in our psyche; in our spirit. It is intuition.
and I believe intuition is our God Given, POWER.
I believe we can be and do anything. and we can choose to be mothers. or choose not to be,
We find joy in raising our children and we find joy in other places. Then we bring that joy back to
live under the roof of our motherhood. adding depth and beauty to our children's lives.
or any one we love and care for.
So here I am, releasing my fourth album. I'm doing my thing with the support of so many of my loved ones. Especially my Aunts and cousins, My Grandmothers and moms and sisters. The women
(and so many wonderful men) closest to me. These women truly understand the place I come from.
They believe in me. They love me, and they know that I was always meant to be this person.
... Its a big ol' job to be a woman, and a creator. Im grateful for the chance to do it "all."
(of course I don't do it all, but I can do what I can and love it.)
Today I am celebrating on International Women's Day!
Thank you for All you are doing, Women of Earth.
A few months ago, Brother So'n So asked me from the church house library dutch-door window,
"So Sister Butler, Are you still singing songs outside of the church?"
I laughed and smiled and said, "Heck Yes Brother, I'm singing songs everywhere I go!" I didn't go on to elaborate on the Honkey-tonk bars and religious girls camp mountain tops, old folks homes and Hippy folk festivals. I just smiled and said thanks for asking....but the question stuck around for a few more days. The way he asked "outside of the church" made my throat burn. the burn that makes ya feel like you have a lump you just can't swallow. I told Jon Butler about it, and he didn't think much of it. No harm, just an old man with an old fashioned kinda question. and He's right but also, it was hard to shake off. I know there is a joke about everyone getting offended by everything these days, and I try to let things go, I do. but there is a strange sense of shame that floats up when I am reminded of my worldliness. That I am doing more than just child bearing and relieving society. I've been told that I should write more songs about Jesus, and try to be a Real Missionary. I have been told ...